today i am in no mood. i dunno why my mum has been stepping on my nerve. she is like scolding me for no reason and getting so worked out. really irritating. i guess maybe cos she is stress dunno for what. haiz, hope tmr will be better cos i need to work with her to tmr.
i went to someone's blog just now. i have realised something. i am completely forgoten. all our memories has fade away. am i forgoten that easily when i am ur biggest history. was it my fault? what have i done to change all this? why have u change so much? even talking to you now is different, our language can nver be the same. i dun undestand u and u dun understand me. maybe we can just move on without even looking back of what made me real happy in my sad world. we went tru alot togather but now all is forgotten. what is the point of missing someone who have change so much and uncontrollable. i dun want to mention names.
to some other ppl, things have change now, it just bring us apart and i cant find ways to bring us all togather again. maybe u can but i cant. things can never be the same again. is it true friendship that i messed up cos of someone? what have i done? maybe i should be erased from everyones memory. i dun exist anymore.
having a successful life but no friendship, can love life bring me the only happiness? i have history, so is everyone. maybe its my fault, i'm no good, u dun have to see, just forget me.
baby, r u going to leave and forget me like those people i used to treasure? are u going to hurt me the way i was hurt and the way u may hurt me? r u gg to be there for me all the time when i dun have anyone to turn to? will u be there? r u gg to go away from me because of me like others do? i felt now my life is just you and my career... others turn their back and its my fault... baby, i love you so much... is'nt that enuf for u not to turn ur back on me?
Masturah @ 8:57 PM
this week photo...
this is ytd.. we were just hanging around at woodlands. we drank chabaa... hahhaha... went to arcade played guitar hero, library and the went around the neighbourhood to do parkour. this time round i took vid instead of image sequence cos i want to make it into a footage. but it was dark so its hard to capture and video.. took using my phone, so need to convert, but got prob... i want to buy myself camera so i can do it better, for baby...
this is the image sequence of one of the parkour he did on wednessday before gg to town... it was at his house area..
this is on wednessday.. met him after the presentation.. went to his house to chill for awhile than went to esplanede and clark quay... i wore his lost prophet shirt.. hehehe.. couldnt take pic of the performance cos its dark..
his on tuesday... the day i never sleep and met baby at 6am.. so tired and i looked horrible.. pics was at bishan library, vivo city and in bus 855..
Masturah @ 4:26 PM
trusting
hey hey.. today i am not going to meet my baby cos my whole family is at home. for good drace, i better stay home and spent time with them, yeah have not been spending time with them. was planning to go to the beach today, yayi wanted to enjoy the sea breeze. but it seems to be cloudy so maybe plan will change. i had a good night sleep and woke up at 1pm. wah, its been a long time since i have that heavenly sleep, i need that alot... mum has ben nagging at me, for not cleaning my room, for coming home late, for not staying home and for asking for money. haiz.. i dunno what to do..
sch is starting in 2 days time... and confirm i will be extremely busy with my student seminar project. in the first week of sch, i have the presentation on thurs and on friday is the The Next Green Designer event that me and my team organising. quite a big event. going to be very busy and i dun think i'm able to meet baby this whole week. i told him abt it, he said he will ftch me from sch if i end late and if he is not tired. but baby, dun force urself k.. my team may be getting into the top for presentation... its scary cos the seminar is a big deal!
these few days been stress with the student seminar and been enjoying my holiday with my baby.. i got emotional whenever he tease me, well, its part of it anyway, if i dun pretend to get emotional when hee tease, its like making a joke but no one is laughing, sounds stupid rite? hahahha, but i am emotional for real la.. irritating u noe, make me cry only... but he was just joking...
these few day i felt different with baby.. i can see he is putting the effort to earn my trust. he is gaining my trust bit by bit, it'll take time but it is growing. but even if trust is'nt that much, i love him so much, and nothing can change that. like abg robert say, to trust will take time, only time will tell and i agree. nothing comes for free and easily. got to earn it. i am putting in my effort to earn his trust.
these couple of days, there were a lot of sweet moments we had that is unexplainable. i am not going to eleborate because it is very special to me. my baby was so into me, that day in the bus, i tied my hair up, baby pull my hair band and groom my hair. he look at me and said, u look good like this and his smile was priceless. i saw that smile in his eyes when he look at my hair and into my eyes. he got that happy look that is very sincere. i can feel that happiness. this is how i look like... he took it himself... 
our second month i coming up sooo on thursday, i will be very busy and so is he. so we decided t celebrate this sunday. i will be working tmr and he have training, so again we will not meet. got to be used to it cos in time to come, it'll be harder..
baby, i love you so much. i am trying my best to make you happy, u said that you are happyy enuf with me. i noe i have been too sensitive about u meet ur new frens, i noe my trust is not there, but baby, i'm learning to trust you, love is not valid without trust and i love you so much therefore i am trusting you. i was just being insecure all the time but baby, i noe u putting the effort to earn that trust. like i said, trust is hard to come by especially if its from me. it is tiring to be worried all the time but i noe i felt that way cos i love you too much. i will try controlling myself from doing things far worst than this, i shall not be too obssessive. u got to understand me that i am weak at this.
looking into you, i noe deep down u wont have that intention to hurt me. i noe how much i mean to u. you just told me how precious i am to you. one thing he said to me that, of all the girls he dated at that time, he choose me because he love me, not them. i am touched. my baby is getting mushy these days and i like it. i dun expect much from you, i understand your need, we r all young and we all want to explore... got to lose some slack and hoping you wont stab me on my back.
i got to go now.. mum is nagging already.. just need to let my baby noe how much i love him and how much he mean to me. baby, i love you so much and i dedicate this blog to you...
Labels: 6 more days to go...
Masturah @ 1:31 PM
hey there... sorry did'nt update these few days.. was busy n tired... sooo lets start with...
tuesday
met baby at yishun mrt early in the morning. it was like 6am, i did'nt even rest that nite. we went to sembawang maccy.. we left at 8am to little india. i needed to go to mr zaki's placw with the rest of the team for the project and presentation. so in the train baby were so sleepy that he was not himself. very rabak seh... pity him.. he did'nt sleep cos of me...
he send me all the way to little india until the tap out gate. he did'nt tap out though... gave him a kiss than join my team member. so was at the meeting room the whole day.. very cold... was there from 9am to 4pm. was real busy with the presentation and the event. scary sia... was so tired that i took a short nap...
went to meet baby at bishan than we went to bishan library for a while, had a lil misunderstanding than fell asleep. was so tired la..
we than head to vivo city.. had dinner at kfc..saw i little sunset.. than we walk at the roof area... was sweet moment up there though nothing was said or done.. than went to walk in the water.. hhaha... we played at the unique playgound n cool water fountain. he was wet.. hhahaa.. i was so tired n sleepy... than we went into toys r us.. at abt 9 it think, we took 855 back to yishun... i fell asleep in his arm. was real tired.. reach yishun than we seperate...
wednessday
i went to bukit batok ite for the student seminar presentation. was suppose to end at 5pm but it ended at abt 1pm... had 10 teams presented. wasnt that nervous but when i took the mic, i got crack up in shivers.. hahaha.. but my presentation part was short and its just the opening... its over but its just part 1.. there is more to come... after it ended, i went to have lunch with the girls at west mall kfc.
than i went to meet baby at his house, reach there at abt 2 plus. we missed playing those games so much that we played immediately.. sorry la, we both love to play games. it was real nice, i won the match.. hehehe... i was wearing my sch polo t. i did'nt like it than baby lend me his lostprophet shirt... wore it with my sch skirt and white shoe.. ppl look at me like somekind.. maybe they tot i skipped sch.. hahaha.. met his sister and her bf at his house, she is pretty...
baby parkouring for a while than we head to town.. we go to marina square for dinner... than to esplanade.. than we walk along the river.. walk at boat quay.. baby was doing parkour... took lots of photo of it.. along the way we watch a free show at the clark quay. it was a music performance from australia at a cafe.. damn nice... had a few sweet moments with my baby..love him so much..
than we took 851 back to yishun.. was quite early, so he went to my area.. brought my lappy down than we view pictures.. not so early la, was close to 10pm. and my whole family was up. i took the risk. was scared that they will question me. thank god i manage to go out.. we spent time at my void deck... he than went home at mid night...
thursday
was suppose to meet baby early in the morning but i was so tired that i overslept. so i did'nt go meet him at his hse. i need to go to sch for student sem stuff, met baby at admiralty to pass my lappy to him, i did'nt tap out.
i reach sch half an hour late. thank god i was not scolded. i was late cos my mum came home b4 i left, she had food poisoning and i attended to her. niways in the meeting we were discussing abt the presentation. was told that our team did well and may be able to excell to next level. but cos of that my schedule is getting tighter when sch starts next week. will be very busy next week... than we went for the other team's exhibition. they were doing on culture. and they had a modern dance performance, its a dance call shufflle.. was so nice that i watch for the second time and we invited them for our event.
after that went to admiralty to meet baby.. we walk to causeway point, had kfc for dinner again. than went library for awhile, for the first time baby did'nt do what i dun like.. yay... he shud noe wat i'm talking abt..
we left at 7.30, went to the time zone played guitar hero. it was real fun man... yeah... i sucked at it... than we walk out of causeway... went to the neighbourhood area.. baby went to do parkour again, this time round the stunt he did was even more scary... i took video of him doing the stunt. i freak out every time landed. i was scared that he will injured himself, but i want him to do what he love to do.
baby made me read his blog when we were at library. he wanted to surprise me with the news. i was schocked when i read that he was shortlisted to be in singapore team playing againts liverpool in july. i'm so proud of him. i was so happy for him cos i noe this is what he is waiting for. i noe he will be busy with trainings and i dun mind that at all. i just want the best for him. i wish he will excell in his soccer carrer.. baby was so sweet, he said that if he made it into the team, he will customise his shoes and put my name on one side of his shoe, he'll use it to kick for score as a lucky charm.. i gave him a kiss for luck n congrates.
niways he sent me to a bustop, took 855 back to yishun and home sweet home..
kk, thats i very brief abt these 3 days.. i'll blog later k,i'm very tired rite now... bye...
baby izzy, i love u so much and i am so proud of u...
Labels: 6 more days to go...
Masturah @ 1:22 AM