heyhey.. i'm home... right now i have low mood.. had a long day today... only slept abt 3hr and than went to work...
this morning, the weather is really humid... i got frustrated.. work was tiring... but half day only.. sales were good... i was tired and sleepy.. but i have to fight my tiredness and push it to the end and yeah i made it till the end... its not easy cos really i felt the pain at the ending... i did'nt rest much at work though.. only sit for a while.. its a half day and i push my power to the max till my work is complete..
after work we have a family gathering.. a picnic at east coast.. reach there at 5 cos its raining.. than me and all my cuzzy ride the bike from 5.30 to 6.30pm.. than believe it or not, we fulfill my mum's wish which is to go for a swim.. i noe its evening but she was dying to go into the water... so i went in with her and my uncle.. i did'nt bring extra changing materials but hack la... we swam for abt 20 min than get out of the water.. change pack up and go home...
so thats my day...
i dunno what wrong again this time... i dunno if its my fault.. i dunno what i did wrong.. i was tired and really i cant recall what i did was wrong.. was it really me or is it he cant stand to be with me anymore.. what i did? i really have no idea... i tired.. really tired, havent had enuf rest and sleep... i need to breath... i need him to help me to breath but it seems i became breathless with him.. i really love him so much... but does that mean anything at all? is it me? maybe i'm just a horrible person... i guess its my foul attitude that really turns him off... i tried my best but need a breather... i dun want to lose him, but does he want me to be with him still? r we still strong to keep it togather? i havent really tell anyone what went wrong.. i havent had anyone to talk to of my real situation and my real problems.. i dunno who to turn to now... i just need to cry hard enuf for me to stand strong again.. am i gg to lose him? i'm tired and i love him so much... is it gg to be over soon? lets face the truth, do i have the strenght to carry on? its crucial for me to focus on everything.. everythng to me is important...
its getting harder to breath right now... right this moment i wish i could sleep and forget the world.. forget everything and forget everyone... i wish i could get a good night sleep not having to worry abt nightmare.. is everything just a dream and turning into nightmare? i dunno what to do... am i such a horrible person that everything i did seems to be wrong and hurting everyone? i need someone to comfort me.. but i think i just need myself to comfort me... cos it complicated for me.. i dun feel like talking out about the things that troubling me...
i better stop here before i hurt more people... bye...
Masturah @ 9:26 PM
